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Chasing away the Jealousy Greens

Tuesday, March 16th, 2010 at 4:17 PM Category: Life Tips, Meryl's Notes Blog, Writing 6 comments

: Image by oliverchesler via Flickr

Celia Rivenbark has a great guest post here about Fighting the Green-Eyed Monster that describes how I feel once in a while when I let my amygdala (the caveman brain) do the leading instead of the hippocampus (the developed brain). I’ve heard it all:

Jealousy wastes time and energy…
Don’t compare yourself to others, measure your own progress…
We don’t tell others we’re jealous of them, so I bet some folks are jealous of you and you don’t know it!
Forget them, focus on you!
List your accomplishments.
Keep practicing… keep doing…

Love this quote.

“Jealousy is all the fun you think they had.” Erica Jong

We can be logical all we want about jealousy, but that doesn’t stop our caveman brains from pushing all logic out the door. So I asked fellow writers how they deal with it.

“I think jealousy is a natural part of the process. There are two choices. A. Become bitter. B. Continue to hone skills.” Maureen Wood

“Not ‘jealous’ but MOTIVATED!” Mary Jo Campbell

“Jealousy is a huge waste of time. It should be a quick peek at the scoreboard then get back to thinking/writing.” Jim Canterucci

“I mutter vulgarities under my breath and tell myself I’m way better looking. ” Roberta Rosenberg

“Everyone focus on your own work, please. Less time watching what others are doing, more time doing what you are doing. Oops, sorry, that was Christina the teacher talking. How do I do it? Hmmm…well, I guess it’s true, I’m only jealous of others if I’m focusing on them instead of me. If I focus on me, then I’m in my own process and there is no room there for jealousy. Plus I’m feeling good about what I’m getting done.” Christina Katz

“I figure there was a reason they got to and I didn’t. Then I look for that reason. It may be I’m not ready yet, or my path leading to publication is different (subject matter, or angle, etc.) I also congratulate them if I know them, or try to connect with them if I don’t (if I can find something to ask them), or help promote them… again, there’s a reason their perspective is in the world, so at that point someone must be able to benefit.” Christa Miller

“I admit that they beat me to it because I wasn’t quick enough off the mark, congratulate them and try to learn from the experience. I don’t usually feel jealousy.” Sharon Hurley Hall

“I know I have a place and a purpose; I keep my heart and eyes focused on the goals I have set for myself. Rejoice with those who rejoice!” Dawn Herring

“Look at all the things that you have been blessed with…..and remember to appreciate God’s gifts. You have no way of knowing how good or bad the other person’s life has been or may be in the future.” Kristen Clark Baldridge, one of my bestest friends ever since the age of five.

“Jealousy is a waste of energy. I try to read Lifebook every day.” Jeffrey Johnson, a former coworker and a lifetime friend who left Texas for Tennessee.

“Write the sequel!” Eileen Martell, worked with my mom when I was a young’un.

Excellent advice. Next time, cavegirl brain decides to bonk me on the head — I’ll read these.

P.S. It’s coincidental that St. Patrick’s Day is tomorrow. Nothing to do with the good kind of green!

How do you deal with ol’ greenie? Why do you think rears its ugly head?

Tags: celia rivenbark, Erica Jong, Jealousy

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6 comments

Posted by Meryl / @merylkevans on March 17th, 2010, 8:26 AM
Ha! Just came across this comic that’s so on this topic from Debbie Ohi:

http://www.willwriteforchocolate.com/2010/03/17/michael-finds-a-niche/
Posted by Anne Wayman - About Freelance Writing / @annewayman on March 17th, 2010, 8:33 AM
Actually when I find my envious side surfacing I often will tell the person… if I know them. A girlfriend just inherited a significant amount of money… envy burned in my soul and I felt jammed up talking with her until I confessed. She was startled, we had a great conversation about it all, and I’m no longer feeling guilty + jealous.

Won’t work that way when I’m envious of someone I don’t know, but heck, I can always blog about it.
Anne Wayman – About Freelance Writing’s blog …Fair Use & Other Copyright Issues On The Web – Ask Anne The Pro Writer
Posted by Michele Brenton aka banana_the_poet / @banana_the_poet on March 18th, 2010, 9:37 AM
I stopped feeling jealous of people a long time ago. I’m not sure why but that feeling just went away. Now when I hear something good has happened for someone – I’m purely glad for them. I wonder if I’m low on some sort of vitamin or something? LOL
Michele Brenton aka banana_the_poet’s blog …I am trying to work…
Posted by Reeta Luthra | Stress and Health / @reetaluthra on March 18th, 2010, 5:46 PM
Love that you wrote about jealousy because last night, I did too!

Jealousy is like snow in that there are so many different manifestations of it ranging from wet and slushy to the full-on, tumultuous avalanche.

It does intrigue me because it’s such a raw emotion. It kind of signifies our own values, insecurities, limitations and ambitions all rolled up in one writhing bundle.

Experience the emotion, vent and then find what you have to learn from the feeling/event so that you can let it go.
Reeta Luthra | Stress and Health’s blog …Do These Green Eyed Monsters Lurk In Your Shadow?
Posted by Meryl / @merylkevans on March 19th, 2010, 4:48 PM
@Anne, I think talking with someone is one of the best cures for envy — if it’s right someone.

@Michele, I hope I get a dose of that someday and am completely cured. I can say that I am much better about it than when I was younger.

@Reeta, love your thoughts. It is a fascinating topic. And that’s another area where people get jealous… they see a colleague post an article on the same topic after they did. So not only do people get jealous of those getting there first, but the fact they did it after them. Make sense?
Posted by Reeta Luthra | Stress and Health / @reetaluthra on March 19th, 2010, 7:24 PM
@Meryl – Yep, it makes perfect sense.

To my shame, there’s been the odd occasion (or two) that I have experienced this type of jealousy when someone has done something I wished I’d done. The greeny came along and distracted me from actually *doing* it so I ended up in a procrastinating limbo.

However, there are also times when someone does something I wish I’d done and I *don’t* get jealous. So in true Sherlock Holmes style, my investigative instincts rise up and compare the two events to find out what the difference is.

With me, I found it’s to do with the perceived threat level of an attack on my “validity” at the time.

It helps to remember that humanity is built on building on the ideas of others and that there is no original idea – just original analysis/calculation/expression of the idea and this is totally within my scope of influence and hence I am validated again and the reason for the envy dissipates.
Reeta Luthra | Stress and Health’s blog …Do These Green Eyed Monsters Lurk In Your Shadow?