Life Tips

Celia Rivenbark has a great guest post here about Fighting the Green-Eyed Monster that describes how I feel once in a while when I let my amygdala (the caveman brain) do the leading instead of the hippocampus (the developed brain). I’ve heard it all:

• Jealousy wastes time and energy…
• Don’t compare yourself to others, measure your own progress…
• We don’t tell others we’re jealous of them, so I bet some folks are jealous of you and you don’t know it!
• Forget them, focus on you!
• List your accomplishments.
• Keep practicing… keep doing…

Love this quote.

“Jealousy is all the fun you think they had.” Erica Jong

We can be logical all we want about jealousy, but that doesn’t stop our caveman brains from pushing all logic out the door. So I asked fellow writers how they deal with it.

“I think jealousy is a natural part of the process. There are two choices. A. Become bitter. B. Continue to hone skills.” Maureen Wood

“Not ‘jealous’ but MOTIVATED!” Mary Jo Campbell

“Jealousy is a huge waste of time. It should be a quick peek at the scoreboard then get back to thinking/writing.” Jim Canterucci

“I mutter vulgarities under my breath and tell myself I’m way better looking. ” Roberta Rosenberg

“Everyone focus on your own work, please. Less time watching what others are doing, more time doing what you are doing. Oops, sorry, that was Christina the teacher talking. How do I do it? Hmmm…well, I guess it’s true, I’m only jealous of others if I’m focusing on them instead of me. If I focus on me, then I’m in my own process and there is no room there for jealousy. Plus I’m feeling good about what I’m getting done.” Christina Katz

“I figure there was a reason they got to and I didn’t. Then I look for that reason. It may be I’m not ready yet, or my path leading to publication is different (subject matter, or angle, etc.) I also congratulate them if I know them, or try to connect with them if I don’t (if I can find something to ask them), or help promote them… again, there’s a reason their perspective is in the world, so at that point someone must be able to benefit.” Christa Miller

“I admit that they beat me to it because I wasn’t quick enough off the mark, congratulate them and try to learn from the experience. I don’t usually feel jealousy.” Sharon Hurley Hall

“I know I have a place and a purpose; I keep my heart and eyes focused on the goals I have set for myself. Rejoice with those who rejoice!” Dawn Herring

“Look at all the things that you have been blessed with…..and remember to appreciate God’s gifts. You have no way of knowing how good or bad the other person’s life has been or may be in the future.” Kristen Clark Baldridge, one of my bestest friends ever since the age of five.

“Jealousy is a waste of energy. I try to read Lifebook every day.” Jeffrey Johnson, a former coworker and a lifetime friend who left Texas for Tennessee.

“Write the sequel!” Eileen Martell, worked with my mom when I was a young’un.

Excellent advice. Next time, cavegirl brain decides to bonk me on the head — I’ll read these.

P.S. It’s coincidental that St. Patrick’s Day is tomorrow. Nothing to do with the good kind of green!

How do you deal with ol’ greenie? Why do you think rears its ugly head?

© Copyright Paul O'Farrell and licensed for reuse under this Creative Commons License

My family doesn’t have a drop of Irishness in our blood — that we know of, anyway. But that never stopped my dad and me from wearing green on March 17th. Dad went the extra mile by wearing a dark green suit to work with some silly button like, “Kiss me, I’m Irish.” Obviously, he liked to have fun and I am sure some folks today would say the button is harassment. No matter, count on my wearing green.

Brain food…

• 8 Must-Have Twitter and Facebook Add-Ons: Oh yes, add-ons go beyond browsers and blog apps. The article forgot to point to the scripts (all use Greasemonkey), which can you find by searching userscripts.org. Facebook Purity explains how to install scripts for other browsers.
• Synopsis Tips for Writers: Excellent short post. [Link: BubbleCow]
• 10 Turnsoffs Keeping Readers from My Blog: These are the unwritten rules I tend to follow… at least, I hope I am.
• 10 Amazing Life Lessons You Can Learn from Albert Einstein: Not a single one has anything to do with relativity.
• 33 Writing Terms You Should Know: When WIP on an ms, be sure to stick to DL while following GL [Link: BubbleCow -- awesome resource... follow @bubblecow!]
• Research Tip: Finding Crutch Words: Do you keep using some words repeatedly? I try not to, but with all that I write… it can be tough. Current challenge is to avoid that and which. Not easy! [Link: @elizabethscraig]
• Top 100 Sites on the Internet: Very cool interactive graphic. [Link: @kirstinbutler]

Image from jimbowen0306 / CC BY 2.0

And for fun because we’re allowed…

• 10 Coolest Foosball Tables: Aww… My husband just has an ordinary table.
• 70+ Examples Of Beautiful Night Photography: Breathtaking… [Link: Ruhani Rabin]
• 40 Outstanding Mascot Designs: I’d love to have one… but not sure it would fit this site’s brand. Or what. My favorite mascot: Fort Worth’s TCU Horned Frogs. I found many horned toads in my backyard while growing up. [Link: bkmacdaddy]
• Junkyard steampunk Yoda: Serious, I am.
• 5 Browsers and the Modes of Transportation They Resemble: Pretty darn accurate.
• Top 10 Japanese Etiquette Mistakes: I love reading about cultures and etiquette even though I never get to try them (or avoid them). I learned about #2 from my husband and I have used it.
• Friday Funnies: Words Shape Your Existence: Great way to kick off weekend (and Spring Break for some of us). [Link: @alexkaris]

I’m “terribly temper tantrum” mad. OK, I’m not really that mad, but I’ve always wanted to write that after reading Art Spiegelman’s Open Me… I’m a Dog. The book’s words sung to me and stuck with me all these years since I first read it to my oldest when she was younger — shes’ now 16-years-old. Nonetheless, I’m frustrated. Before going further, please know this isn’t a complaining post. Instead, it’s about adapting when things get in the way of your writing or work like my thumb injury.

I’m also not looking for a cure. It’s most likely a side effect of medicine that is helping me get over bad allergies and an infection. I have faith all will be fine soon enough.

My eyes ache. They’ve been aching for a few weeks, and I could get through the day without any problems. I stopped using the computer in the evenings — sacrificing Twitter chat time — and it helped the eyes. Everything stayed under control and I completed my work.

Then last week, the eyes hurt almost all day. It’s no problem to write this post without looking at the screen. It doesn’t call for researching, reading resources or anything else. But much of my work does.

To adapt, I write my articles without looking at the screen and fill in the gaps later so I’m not staring at the screen for too long. I take more breaks that take me away from the computer.

You’d think a career in writing would not encounter barriers that keep you from writing other than illnesses like the flu or severe vertigo, which I had after my cochlear implant surgery. (I couldn’t even handle watching TV.) I can work through a cold — just in shorter sittings. Writing is not a physically demanding job beyond the frequent use of our digits and eyes.

Good news: I took the entire weekend off from the computer plus most of Thursday and Friday due to the snow, yet my eyes still hurt. This tells me it’s not a problem related to the monitors.

How did you adapt to a situation that interfered with your daily activities?

The day before a state-wide math assessment test, my husband humorously asked our oldest who took algebra at the time, “Do you remember how to add, subtract, multiply and divide?”

“I don’t know. When I do a math problem now… if the answer is simple, I think it’s wrong because it has to be more complicated than that,” she said.

That’s how many adults think. We never believe the obvious and forget that it’s possible for the answer to be a simple one.

Simplicity in Writing

A former client contacted me about a new web content gig for a company that sells products outside of my expertise. However, one of my kids LOVES this category of products. So it was an exciting opportunity to step outside of my comfort zone. She asked me to write a sample. I went to work in writing a story around the product. I studied the other products to see how much technical information to provide in an attempt to get in customers’ minds of what they want to know.

In reality, all I needed to do was capture highlights of the products and the experience of using them. After all, the web site had detailed information elsewhere. The client was delighted with the sample as well as the content that followed.

Simplicity in Quoting Projects

How are you with giving quotes to new clients? Is it a struggle? It has gotten easier for me, but I wish I had John Hewitt’s formula when I first started freelancing. His World’s Simplest Freelance Rate Formula is a simple yet effective process that works with new and experienced freelancers — no matter what you do.

For those in freelancing careers outside of writing, substitute “per word” with “per page,” “per design,” “per call,” “per marketing project” and so on. Meet John’s amazing and powerful formula:

1. Start at $20 an hour or $.20 a word. This is a fairly low level. Feel free to start higher.
2. Increase your fee by 5 ($25 an hour $.25 a word) with each successful gig.
3. When your prospects start telling you that you charge too much, don’t raise your rates for six months.
4. Try raising it again.

I won’t begin to quote the many articles I’ve read that recommend avoiding a per hour charge. Some cases may call for it — and I do work per hour for several clients. Why no per hour charge? Let’s look at an example.

A client asks for a quote to blog for him. For an ongoing project, charging per page would be wise. Here’s a very simple example why this works better:

1. Your hourly fee is $50.
2. You write a blog entry in 30 minutes, which is $25 if you charge per hour.
3. Charge $50 per blog entry and you’ll come out ahead.

Of course, not all entries will take 30 minutes depending on the subject and length. But you can see how a per blog entry works better than per hour.

Update: A Twist with the Youngest Child

My six-year-old brings home a math pack every Thursday. It consists of games and puzzles related to math. The latest one required he pick one of the word problems to solve. Then three of us (11-year-old joined us) create a solution using words, numbers and pictures and share it. We had to list how our solutions were the same and how they were different. A great lesson because it shows there is more than one way to solve a problem.

The 11-year-old took the easy way out and simply wrote, “7 – 3 = 4.” So our only option for the “same” was that we all used numbers. My six-year-old didn’t like that. “It’s too obvious. It’s too easy,” he kept saying. Really, the simple answer was the only answer.

I started reading The Little Prince and it makes a references about how children look at things differently from adults. Much like this theme. The narrator drew a picture that looked like a hat. It was a python swallowing an elephant, but adults could not see that. The Little Prince did.

What I learned from my daughter: Sometimes the answer is a simple one.

What problems have you come across where the answer turned out simple?

This entry is part of Middle Zone Musings: What I Learned From… Children groupwrite project.

Image credit: Cecile Graat

In her latest issue of The Prosperous Writer, Christina Katz asks, “On a scale of one to ten, how’s your self-respect? Can you say no? Do you say yes to yield to social pressure and supposed-tos and then suffer for it? Are you catering to too many other people’s needs but burning out in the process? Do you listen to and trust your instincts about what is and isn’t the best way to proceed?”

I aim for balance when it comes to my writing business and personal life. I love the flexibility that comes with my business. Spending time with my family, taking care of my health and contributing to my community are all priorities in my life.

• Family: I chose to have a family and that involves spending time with them. It doesn’t mean spending hundreds of dollars on vacation or expensive activities. It can be as simple as reading a book together, playing a board game or sitting at the dining table.
• Health: If I don’t take care of myself, I won’t perform my best for clients, family and others. I believe in “If mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.” When I don’t get seven to eight hours of sleep, I function at 50 percent the next day, if that. Staying up a couple of hours late isn’t worth the effects it would have on the following day.
• Community: Contributing to my community matters because it takes a village to take care of our world. Without programs and people, many things would never happen to make a difference in people’s lives.

Every year, I gain a couple of new assignments, which often take me out of my comfort zone because they’re new.  Already, I have a new gig that is different that pushes my boundaries while I have fun. I maintain a variety of clients because I enjoy the diversity of the work. Plus, if one should go out of business (knock on wood), my business won’t fall apart because I still have other gigs. I’ve been fortunate that I bring in new clients on a consistent basis.

I thought about creating a course that I’d teach by email. After long deliberations, I opted not to do it. Developing a course not only requires pulling together strong, interactive content, but also promoting it and keeping it fresh. As much as I love the subject, I didn’t have enough confidence that I’d have enough enrollment on a regular basis. Furthermore, I’ve noticed those who do well in offering such classes tend to speak a few times a year and have at least one known published book.

I’m comfortable with giving presentations, but uncomfortable with the answering questions part — a very critical part of the two-way interaction. So that’s not a priority in my business, but I wouldn’t turn down free travel and the opportunity. If it happens, I bring index cards so people can write their questions down or send it  to me on Twitter. Sure, I’ve written two books, but they’re not focused on my expertise.

Because I’m not a high energy person, every opportunity that comes my way receives careful consideration. I do what I can to avoid overwhelming myself and keeping my work streamlined.

How’s your self-respect?

Image credit: ilker

Wow. Think about it. Ten years ago, we were all panicky about the Y2K business. Now that’s barely a blip in our memories. It was also ten years ago when I posted my first blog entry on June 1, 2000. I didn’t blog a whole lot in the first few years, but it picked up in the latter half of the decade.

I thank special people in this message… so it’ll be a long one, folks!

Please vote for your top 25 books on writing. Let’s get a strong list together to help writers everywhere!

Brain food…

• The Twitter Controversy over Thanking for RTs: As nice as thanking always is, thanking for RTs only matters to the people you thank. It creates noise for the rest. So I do it in private or return the favor with a RT if there’s a good one.
• 10 Ways to Start Your Business Year with a Bang: C’mon! Let’s re-energize! Want more? My 10 Things to Do Before the New Year over at Web Worker Daily may have more ideas for you.
• The Simple, Ridiculously Useful Guide to Earning a Living from Your Passion: Don’t know your passion? Read this one first to find your passion.
• Do It Yourself E-Book Conversions [Link: BubbleCow]

And for fun because we’re allowed…

• 50 Funny People in Twitter
• Worst Gifts Ever: Christmas Presents to Forget: Need to get rid of a bad gift? Try Bad Gift Emporium.
• Foodzie: Etsy for foodies [Link: Andy Hayes]
• How to make instant ice: I wouldn’t try it, but still very cool to watch and discover.
• Ricochet, the Amazing Surfing Dog: “From service dog to SURFice dog.” Facebook page [Link: Joan Stewart]
• Six Word Stories: “Headline wrong. Lives destroyed. Retraction buried.”

Special Thanks

I’ve met many wonderful people in 2009 who have challenged my thinking and taught me many new things.  I was nervous about doing this in fear of unintentionally overlooking someone. But I decided it’s worth it as I must express my gratitude to these folks who took the time to share meaningful thoughts here or guest blog. Thank you. (more…)

Image from Riesma Pawestri

I wish I could say this is stating the obvious — it’s not. People continue to miss out on opportunities because of something they said anywhere online. This applies not only to those looking for jobs, but also freelancers and those in current jobs. Future clients, customers, employers, agents and publishers WILL check up on you before they consider signing you.

This applies to interests including political. Now, we all have a right to support whomever we want running for office, but how we handle ourselves in supporting or not supporting a candidate can affect whether you get a job or gig. A financial service placement firm reported that a candidate lost out on a job because he posted a negative note on a candidate’s Facebook page.

Whole Foods Flap

I wish I had more details. Would the employer overlook a positive post? Was the negative post one of those shooting off at the mouth without any supporting facts? If the job was an executive or C-level one, it probably would not matter as Whole Foods CEO John Mackey wrote a Wall Street Journal Op/Ed that left many loyal customers seething. Mackey posts the full details on his blog. In short, his opnion went against what many of Whole Foods’ customers believe in.

Topics That Might Bug Folks

Would you want to hire someone who complains about family, marriage and illnesses, or posts about a drunken night ora frustrating editor? Most of us have done regretable or silly things in our lives, especially as youngsters, but they don’t belong online if you want to have a chance of landing a job, contract or gig.

Oh, you only send it to close friends and family? Even if you can trust them, are you sure they won’t accidentally forward it or accidentally spill it to the public? Remember landing the job at Cisco tweet? Or the Fedex insult?

Rule of Thumb

When you write anything electronically, do the Mom / child / employer check

Would you want your mama or child to read about your drunk night? Would you want your employer to read that you can’t stand X candidate? Would you want your client to see you whine and complain about life in general? Do you want an editor to see how difficult you are as a writer?

If necessary, reword them to ask “How would you feel if you read that a prospective peer or employee did X?” Maybe the reality will have a greater impact.

Recruiters, hiring managers and other folks know that many folks share too much about themselves online. While someone might keep that out of her professional life, that has no bearing on the message she sends. If you need to talk to someone, do it offline. Also, watch what you text on your phone because people can forward those too.

What stories have you heard about people who lost opportunities as a result of improper online posts?

Inspired by the foolishness and mayhem we see on Clean House, my husband and I spent much of the past weekend cleaning house. We cleaned out the kids’ closets and dressers — removing outgrown clothes, those they don’t want anymore and shoes without a partner (yep, my daughter had several of these). Then, I tackled the game room (oh, man… especially when you have hundreds of Hot Wheels, Pokemon cards, Yu-Gi-Oh cards and Bakugan between two boys).

Dumping Stored Magazines

I remembered I kept every issue of every magazine my writing work appeared in. I also found Writer’s Digest Magazine as far back as from 2000.

I threw away all of the old Writer’s Digest (I still read the magazine, just no reason to keep old ones in storage) and kept only a few of the magazines where I had a feature — not just a column. I probably dumped two-thirds of the magazines in my storage box.

Reading Magazines

I love to read magazines. They take 10 to 30 minutes per issue (except for Reader’s Digest). Rather than keeping the issues with inspiring articles, I trash them as soon as I finish. HOWEVER… I cut out…

1. Anything I want to look up… an author, a book, a web site.
2. Anything I want to do later such as “Word Power” from Reader’s Digest, which sharpens my vocabulary.
3. Anything I want to try later… a tip, a recipe, etc.

Instead of having thick piles of entire issues, I have thin piles of ripped pages. Those that take little time, I put on my office desk so I can handle them when I am back in the office. I review the rest of the pile on a monthly basis, or around there.

Like handling the mail, read your magazine and toss while holding on to anything you want to look up or follow up on. If you keep it, count on never seeing it again until you decide to clean house as those over five-year-old issues showed.

Writing for a Magazine

I have a couple of issues of magazines I’d like to query. I study the magazine before I pitch the editor. But rather than having a dozen issues, I hold on to the last couple of issues. When a new one comes in, the oldest one goes out. I think five issues is more than enough.

Set a limit on the number of issues you’ll keep, and then just throw out the oldest one when the new one arrives.

Managing Subscriptions

I don’t subscribe to as many magazine as I have in the past especially with the books I need to read. I have a couple subscriptions I pay for and a couple I receive free. But mind you, I don’t subscribe to every magazine I can get free. The topic still matters and I don’t want to receive something for the sake of free-ness.

Aside from TV Guide Magazine, no more weekly magazines for me. That’s too much.

How do you manage your magazines? Or have you given them up?

I lived in my first and second houses in Washington, DC. We had to move to a second home because the first had to undergo renovations.  (Why they put us there in the first place, I don’t know.) The second house had a small empty flower bed in the front whereas the first didn’t. So we primed the dirt and planted rose bushes. Why we picked them, I don’t remember.

Those bushes blossomed and then some. They grew unwieldy. Gardening and plants weren’t my forte, so I struggled to figure out how to trim the bushes so they’d take on an uncluttered look. On the other hand, it amazed me that we grew a flower bush.

Bigger Flower Bed, Bigger Troubles

Then we moved into our first owned home. This time, we had two average-sized flower beds. They’ve undergone a couple of landscaping jobs and never to our satisfaction. The latest, we planted too many sage bushes. We love them; they’re great for Texas weather, low watering, stalwart and best of all, they require little care. Of course, you can’t help smile when you see them covered in purple. We miscalculated how big they’d grow.

They overtook our sidewalk in front of our door. Nope, not allowed. Those had to go. When the sages bloom, they scream for the bees to come visit and the bees respond.

With a few allergy sufferers in my household, we don’t care to find out if someone is allergic to bees the hard way. So out went some of those sages. We still have a few — away from the sidewalk. Now both flower beds sit half empty with nothing but rocks.

Unwelcome Visitors

And weeds that broke through the covering and rocks. Those weeds! We had the black covering and everything. They still broke out of their jail of dirt and out into the daylight without a care if it rains or hails. Despite its evil plans for uglifying my flower bed, I admire the weeds’ strength and determination to be prickly and strong.

Think about it. Weeds are simple plants that bug the heck out of us. Its only purpose in life is to come charging out from under the earth despite any walls or coverings in the way. We all experience frustrating days where it feels like one problem appears after another. If weeds can make it, we certainly can and many have.

I’ve heard many stories of how people overcame horrors and barriers in their lives to come out stronger for it and staying positive.

I’d rather substitute weeds with people and that’s a story we can learn from. Besides, people wouldn’t mess with my flower bed.

Flower bed remains a half blank canvas. We’re hoping to figure out a small, simple landscape that needs little watering. Oh, and triple covering.

P.S. The backyard landscaping has zero plants, lots of rocks and some big rocks as decor. And what do you know? Weeds made it through, too.

Robert Hruzek’s What I learned from… inspired this post. Hat tip and thank you, Robert.

Photo credit Sheila VooDoo

I had surgery last week (doing fine, thank you), so I prepared ahead of time not knowing how much time I would miss work and blogging. I had no desire or energy to work for three days. By the fourth day, I could do a little work. Yesterday (one week after the surgery), I worked all morning and wore myself out by lunch time.

Here are the tasks I did to prepare my business for a little hiatus. It’d work for vacation and other times off from working. Unexpected time off is a different story (you can prepare for the unexpected with a contingency plan).

1. Notify clients: I emailed all of my regular clients about three to four weeks ahead of time.
2. Get ahead: Wherever possible, I wrote extra articles and completed assignments that would be due during the week of the surgery and after. I also found time to do work on the weekend before the surgery.
3. Finish projects: I had a couple of projects that had an end. I finished both before surgery.
4. Schedule a blog post: Christina Katz saved me on this one. We had an interview that I entered in my blog before the surgery and scheduled it to go live while I was in recovery. It’s OK to publish one time during the week, which is what I have done for the past month or so.
5. Use a laptop: My laptop plays a regular role in my business even though I rarely travel or work in coffee shops. It allows me to work in in bed, on the sofa or elsewhere in the house where I can be comfortable.
6. Send email with a cell phone: I couldn’t decide between a BlackBerry or iPhone. I’m glad I went with the BlackBerry because it handles email better. I am rarely too sick to send a short email message. Although I didn’t have a BlackBerry at the time, I used a cell phone to send an email to clients when I unexpectedly went in the hospital. If your cell phone’s email app isn’t great, try mail2web.com’s mobile app. Google also offers mobile Gmail for different phones.
7. Do administrative tasks: Are your invoices due? Do you need to balance your bank account? Do you need to submit time sheets? Do all of this beforehand.
8. Transfer assignments: I always have an editing assignment around the first of the month. I told the writer to send the articles to another editor since I would be out. I’m grateful that some clients I work for have teams so we can back each other up.
9. Delete less important emails: I deleted email newsletters and other informational emails before, during and after to take the pressure off of me in keeping up. I also read some newsletters in bed with my phone or laptop when I couldn’t do much else. You might consider changing some of your subscriptions to “vacation” status, but I never do this as I have too many.
10. Remember it’s OK not to work: Avoid putting so much pressure on yourself to get things done, blog or participate in social networking. You need to take care of you! It doesn’t matter if it’s recovery from illness or catching up after vacation. It’s easier to get your groove back when you keep it low key.

What other tasks did you do to prepare for time off?

Tags: health, surgery, vacation