
Celia Rivenbark has a great guest post here about Fighting the Green-Eyed Monster that describes how I feel once in a while when I let my amygdala (the caveman brain) do the leading instead of the hippocampus (the developed brain). I’ve heard it all:
Love this quote.
“Jealousy is all the fun you think they had.” Erica Jong
We can be logical all we want about jealousy, but that doesn’t stop our caveman brains from pushing all logic out the door. So I asked fellow writers how they deal with it.
“I think jealousy is a natural part of the process. There are two choices. A. Become bitter. B. Continue to hone skills.” Maureen Wood
“Not ‘jealous’ but MOTIVATED!” Mary Jo Campbell
“Jealousy is a huge waste of time. It should be a quick peek at the scoreboard then get back to thinking/writing.” Jim Canterucci
“I mutter vulgarities under my breath and tell myself I’m way better looking.
” Roberta Rosenberg
“Everyone focus on your own work, please. Less time watching what others are doing, more time doing what you are doing. Oops, sorry, that was Christina the teacher talking. How do I do it? Hmmm…well, I guess it’s true, I’m only jealous of others if I’m focusing on them instead of me. If I focus on me, then I’m in my own process and there is no room there for jealousy. Plus I’m feeling good about what I’m getting done.” Christina Katz
“I figure there was a reason they got to and I didn’t. Then I look for that reason. It may be I’m not ready yet, or my path leading to publication is different (subject matter, or angle, etc.) I also congratulate them if I know them, or try to connect with them if I don’t (if I can find something to ask them), or help promote them… again, there’s a reason their perspective is in the world, so at that point someone must be able to benefit.” Christa Miller
“I admit that they beat me to it because I wasn’t quick enough off the mark, congratulate them and try to learn from the experience. I don’t usually feel jealousy.” Sharon Hurley Hall
“I know I have a place and a purpose; I keep my heart and eyes focused on the goals I have set for myself. Rejoice with those who rejoice!” Dawn Herring
“Look at all the things that you have been blessed with…..and remember to appreciate God’s gifts. You have no way of knowing how good or bad the other person’s life has been or may be in the future.” Kristen Clark Baldridge, one of my bestest friends ever since the age of five.
“Jealousy is a waste of energy. I try to read Lifebook every day.” Jeffrey Johnson, a former coworker and a lifetime friend who left Texas for Tennessee.
“Write the sequel!” Eileen Martell, worked with my mom when I was a young’un.
Excellent advice. Next time, cavegirl brain decides to bonk me on the head — I’ll read these.
P.S. It’s coincidental that St. Patrick’s Day is tomorrow. Nothing to do with the good kind of green!
How do you deal with ol’ greenie? Why do you think rears its ugly head?
My family doesn’t have a drop of Irishness in our blood — that we know of, anyway. But that never stopped my dad and me from wearing green on March 17th. Dad went the extra mile by wearing a dark green suit to work with some silly button like, “Kiss me, I’m Irish.” Obviously, he liked to have fun and I am sure some folks today would say the button is harassment. No matter, count on my wearing green.
Brain food…
And for fun because we’re allowed…
Welcome to meryl’s notes blog (this here place you’re lookin’ at) in Plano, Texas. We’re honored to be a stop in Linda Joy Myers‘ WOW! Women On Writing Blog tour.
About Linda Joy Myers Ph.D. She’s president of the National Association of Memoir Writers and a practicing psychotherapist. She is the author of The Power of Memoir and Don’t Call Me Mother: Breaking the Chain of Mother Daughter Abandonment, which won the Gold Medal Award from the Bay Area Independent Publishing Association in 2007.
Most of us intuitively know that writing our thoughts and feelings helps us to feel better, but now research shows that writing helps to heal both the mind and the body. In 1999, the first studies came out about studies done by Dr. James Pennebaker and other that writing helps to heal such physical ailments as arthritis and asthma. Since then other studies have shown immune system improvements when a person writes about traumatic or upsetting events for only a few minutes. Traumas can include events such as war, natural disasters but many of us have suffered traumas from within the home through some kind of abuse or abandonment, or betrayal by a loved one.
Whether a trauma occurs at home or out in the world, it remains part of body memory and could even return in a flashback. During the last few years, a lot of new research has been done on the chemistry of the brain in regards to trauma and strong negative emotions such as rage and fear. Traumatic memories are stored differently than regular memories, which means that it’s harder to put them to rest and move forward. You might have recurring dreams or get stuck in a memory that repeats over and over again like a stuck record.
Writing your stories helps to put the past to rest, but some people are afraid of what they might encounter. I’ve learned that you can come at your writing indirectly, not confronting all the memories head on, by writing the light and positive stories as well. Pennebaker told his subjects that if a topic was too painful, they should write about something else, and the research shows that writing positive stories is about as healing as writing darker stories. You need to decide what path is better for you, and it’s important to take good care of yourself.
One way that writing heals is the weaving between being the narrator and the main character in a memoir story. This dual consciousness is part of the healing process, as the narrator helps us to develop a perspective on what happened, and the character “I” gets inside who we were then. When we write scenes using full sensual details, we take a small hypnotic trip to the past and live in our own skin for a while, then return to “now.” The process of writing and telling stories, especially if they are shared helps to heal and to change our perceptions of who we were and who we are now.
Interweaving Dark and Light Stories
It helps to weave back and forth between your dark and light memories to explore your healing stories and keep your emotional balance. Choose either the lighter or the darker topics. You may need to write a story several times to get through all the layers of your feelings.
The darker topics
| Pain | Rejection |
| Loss | Despair |
| Vulnerability | Depression |
| Fear | Jealousy |
| Longing | Death |
| Abuse | Illness |
Freewrite about one of the topics for 15-30 minutes. See if your feelings, thoughts, and reflections shift after writing. Journal about your observations. It always helps to keep an ongoing writing journal about your work.
Choose a memory that includes a positive quality and write that story.
Qualities of light
| Peace | Love |
| Vulnerability | Trust |
| Joy | Forgiveness |
| Generosity | Empathy |
| Serenity | Courage |
Further Reflections
The path of emotional healing is often like cleaning out an old wound: it hurts while we are cleaning it out, but we feel so much better afterward. It helps to have an ongoing practice that keeps the healing progressing. Here are some suggestions for your regular writing sessions.
Honor yourself during the process. Because the goal of this kind of writing is healing, give yourself permission to listen to the stories that arise naturally from within, stories that have an emotional punch for you. If you get stuck writing the same story, consider therapy or other emotional support.
Write about yourself at different ages and in new voices, you will be writing and witnessing from multiple perspectives, weaving a larger, more integrated story of your life.
Dark memories or trauma are resolved if you are no longer troubled by them. Resolution means that your life is not governed by your fears and you’re not disturbed when you remember the event. In other words, you remember it, but no longer have the emotional reaction that you had before. It’s become an event that happened, part of your life story, among many others.
Writing Tips
If you’re interested in writing to heal, check out Linda’s book, The Power of Memoir.
How does writing help you?
Ah, I got nothing today — no stories, nada. Just lots and lots of work since I had a few appointments not related to business. At least, it’s been beautiful and sunny all week.
Brain food…
And for fun because we’re allowed…
I can remember being big on the Olympics back to 1976 watching gymnastics and pretending to be one of the Romanian gymnasts with a friend of mine. We even made our own banners with the country on it. Then when I went to basketball camp in 1984, I went to the TV room to catch whatever I could. Well, to my surprise, my younger two kids took an interest in the 2010 Winter Olympic Games and I let them watch it even when TV watching time was over. I think I finally understand Curling.
What are your favorite Olympic stories or memories?
Brain food…
And for fun because we’re allowed…
Congratulations to George Angus for winning Laura Cross’ book tour contest! Y’all can still win a book from Elisa Lorello. Interesting that it’s President’s Day week. My 5th grade son has to do a report on Gerald Ford.
Brain food!
And for fun because we’re allowed…
Welcome to meryl’s notes blog (this here place you’re lookin’ at) in Plano, Texas. We’re honored to be a stop in Elisa Lorello’s WOW! Women On Writing Blog tour. We’re giving away a copy of her book Ordinary World. Read on to see how you can win.
About Elisa Lorello: She grew up on Long Island, NY as the baby to six older siblings. Growing up during the ’80s, Elisa covered her walls with Duran Duran posters and used lots of hairspray. She explored many passions, including drawing, tennis, and music, but in her early 20’s, exercised her gossiping skills while working as a manicurist. She now lives in North Carolina where she teaches academic writing at North Carolina State. In 2004, Elisa began her first novel, Faking It. Since then, Elisa has written a sequel, Ordinary World, and is currently co-writing a third novel with friend and former student, S.R. Paquette. That is, when she can tear herself away from her favorite form of entertainment–Facebook.
Andi Cutrone was conceived back in 1999 after I watched a brand new show that was taking popular culture by storm called Sex and the City. I had written an essay about how I envied Carrie and company for their boldness to talk about subjects that had been so taboo when I was growing up. A what-if had entered my mind: What if there was a woman who was so inhibited about sex that she needed someone to teach her the things she never learned and was too afraid to ask? And what if the person to teach her was a male escort?
It wasn’t until five years later that I actually did something about this what-if. Its original title was “The Escort”; three quarters into the first draft, I changed the name to Faking It. Because I didn’t believe myself to be a fiction writer (which is why it took me so long to start, but the idea just wouldn’t go away), I figured nothing was ever going to come of this project — no one would ever see it, and I would continue my academic career without a hitch.
So I relied on what I knew. Fresh out of my masters program, it seemed natural that Andi would be a rising star in rhetoric and writing studies, and my idealism came shining through. (It wasn’t until I was well into the novel that I saw the happy accident of this decision.)
Andi Cutrone resembled me in other ways — short, native Long Islander, Italian-American background, Gen-Xer. We liked the same foods and the same music. We both lived in southeastern Massachusetts. I gave her two overprotective brothers who were also musicians. I could relate, being the youngest of five brothers and a sister in a musical family.
Those were the jumping off points between which I could then draw a storyline. But the resemblance pretty much ended there. For all those similarities, there were many differences. I spent way less time in Manhattan than she did, for starters. I get along with my parents. I don’t know any escorts. I’m much less insecure. She’s much more scholarly. I’m a bit more optimistic. She’s a bit more sarcastic.
Truth is, Andi had come to life, and it was a life and voice all her own. Rather than my deciding where she should go and how she should behave, she told me her secrets and why she reacted the way she did. She talked to me a lot. I didn’t always want to go where she took me, but I had no choice but to listen to her. There was a truth to be told, but it was to be told on her terms, not mine.
By the time I started Ordinary World, Andi looked and sounded very little, if nothing, like me. She had lived a life that was nothing like mine. She was married, had an advanced career, and shed many of the insecurities that had plagued her in Faking It.
In short, she had it all. And thus, the next what-if was conceived: What if she lost it all?
I love Ordinary World because it contains much more depth and complexity than Faking It, and that’s not to say that Faking It was shallow and predictable. But Andi is confronted with how she’s going to get through the day rather than how her outfit looks. She’s faced not with trying to keep up appearances, but trying to find even a modicum of normality. Instead of wanting to be loved, she resists love. Whereas Faking It was about Andi coming to terms with who she really was, Ordinary World was about her growing into a new sense of self under extraordinary circumstances.
There were times when I wanted to grab a cup of coffee with Andi and talk teaching. There were times I thought she was way bolder than she gave herself credit for. There were times when I didn’t like her behavior, when I wanted to knock some sense into her. There were times I wanted to hug her close and be her sister. I loved her that much. Still do.
As I said, when I’d first started Faking It, I didn’t believe myself to be a fiction writer. The only thing I promised was that I would write the book I would want to read. I succeeded. By Ordinary World, I knew I was a fiction writer. I still use a lot of what I know, but I’ve learned to surrender to my characters. They’re the real storytellers. I’m just the one getting it on the page.
Win: For a chance to win a copy of Ordinary World, please leave a comment at least 50 words long about a character you want to create or have created. Or write about your favorite character in a book. You have until 11:59pm on February 23, 2010 to qualify for the drawing. The unbiased and robotic Random.org has the honor of picking the winner.

I’m “terribly temper tantrum” mad. OK, I’m not really that mad, but I’ve always wanted to write that after reading Art Spiegelman’s Open Me… I’m a Dog. The book’s words sung to me and stuck with me all these years since I first read it to my oldest when she was younger — shes’ now 16-years-old. Nonetheless, I’m frustrated. Before going further, please know this isn’t a complaining post. Instead, it’s about adapting when things get in the way of your writing or work like my thumb injury.
I’m also not looking for a cure. It’s most likely a side effect of medicine that is helping me get over bad allergies and an infection. I have faith all will be fine soon enough.
My eyes ache. They’ve been aching for a few weeks, and I could get through the day without any problems. I stopped using the computer in the evenings — sacrificing Twitter chat time — and it helped the eyes. Everything stayed under control and I completed my work.
Then last week, the eyes hurt almost all day. It’s no problem to write this post without looking at the screen. It doesn’t call for researching, reading resources or anything else. But much of my work does.
To adapt, I write my articles without looking at the screen and fill in the gaps later so I’m not staring at the screen for too long. I take more breaks that take me away from the computer.
You’d think a career in writing would not encounter barriers that keep you from writing other than illnesses like the flu or severe vertigo, which I had after my cochlear implant surgery. (I couldn’t even handle watching TV.) I can work through a cold — just in shorter sittings. Writing is not a physically demanding job beyond the frequent use of our digits and eyes.
Good news: I took the entire weekend off from the computer plus most of Thursday and Friday due to the snow, yet my eyes still hurt. This tells me it’s not a problem related to the monitors.
How did you adapt to a situation that interfered with your daily activities?
Welcome to meryl’s notes blog (this here place you’re lookin’ at) in Plano, Texas. We’re honored to be a stop in Laura Cross’ WOW! Women On Writing Blog tour. We’re giving away a prize. Read on to see what you can win.
About Laura Cross: She is an author, screenwriter, ghostwriter, freelance book editor, and writing coach specializing in nonfiction books and script adaptation (book-to-film projects). She writes two popular blogs, www.NonfictionInk.com and www.AboutAScreenplay.com, and teaches online writing workshops. Her latest book is The Complete Guide To Hiring A Literary Agent: Everything You Need To Know To Become Successfully Published. You can download a free chapter, view the book trailer, read the full table of contents and purchase the eBook at www.GetALiteraryAgent.com.
Literary agents and publishers are looking for nonfiction writers with established platforms. It’s difficult, if not impossible, to land a book deal or acquire an agent without one. A platform encompasses the ways you are visible and attracting potential readers. It conveys your expertise and influence. Every author’s platform strategy will be unique to him or her. One size does not fit all. You must follow a path that is natural for you and your writing. However, there are five essential components or supplies you need to build a writer’s platform:
1. Understand Your Brand Image: Establish an author identity and use it consistently throughout your material. Your personal brand is how you package and present yourself to readers to distinguish and differentiate yourself from other writers.
2. Develop and Promote Your Expertise: Are you the go-to expert in your field? You can establish your expertise through:
3. Have an Internet Presence: Every potential author needs a website or blog. If you already have a web presence when you begin approaching media you will have an edge over other writers. A blog can add to your credibility, help you establish your expertise, and provide a means to capture potential readers for your database.
4. Build A List of Contacts: Publishers want to know just how many potential readers there are for your book. The number of fans you have from Facebook, followers on Twitter, connects on LinkedIn, and subscribers to your blog provide tangible figures. Producing a weekly or monthly e-zine or newsletter is an effective way to grow your list of contacts. Your website and blog can include an opt-in page to capture subscribers.
5. Engage In Community: You can network through local and regional events, national conferences and conventions, and online social media, such as Twitter, Facebook, and LinkedIn. Online networking sites give you access to connections and a platform to share your writing and expertise.
Your turn: What are you doing to establish and grow your author platform?

Win: You can win a class (choose from any of the classes — Meryl is jealous because she doesn’t qualify!) or a digital copy of her book. For a chance to win, please leave a comment at least 50 words long answering her question. Or write about your favorite character in a book. You have until 11:59pm on February 16, 2010 to qualify for the drawing. The unbiased and robotic Random.org has the honor of picking the winner.
Thank you to all that nominated and voted for the top 25 books for writers on writing. The list is in order beginning with the book that received the most votes. It’s a great list as I’ve read or heard great things about many of the books.
I’m going to try to always be reading at least one book on writing at any given time. (I have two or three books I read at a time.) This list will make it easier to decide which one to read next as I own some that I haven’t read.
What books have you read? What did you like most about them or what did you learn?