5th grade graduate and wonderful teacher

I Be One Decade Old

Goodness gracious! This blog’s 10th birthday passed and I never noticed until today. My first blog post went up on June 1, 2000. This place is a decade old. What does that translate into Internet years? Anyway, thank you to every single pair of eyes for reading in the last seven years or so. (I don’t think anyone read my blah blahs in the first few years.)

I’m glad HAGS short for “Have a great summer” didn’t come along when my friends and I signed each other’s yearbook. Nowadays, I see my kid’s yearbooks riddled with “HAGS” and little else. OK, elementary school kids — I understand. (Yearbooks only came out for high schoolers during my school days. Now elementary and junior high are in the game.) But high school kids can add a little more thought to what they write.

5th Grade Graduations

School ended today. Second child graduated from elementary school last Tuesday — the photos turned out lousy. Thank goodness, a photographer took a picture of every kid with the teacher. That one turned out great. My husband thinks my digital camera doesn’t do a good job. Ohh… I don’t even want to start comparing cameras again. Anyone get a rec? I love small ones that can also do videos.

I had a graduation ceremony in 5th grade, which I can only recall walking in the auditorium and nothing more. I asked my mom what she remembers. She said she can only recall worrying about my busing to 6th grade. (She has great instincts because 6th grade was my worst year in my school career.)

Mom remembers my sister’s 5th grade graduation because they marched in to “Hey, Jude” and it went on forever. Wish I had kept a journal back then as a reminder of what I did, but being a typical kid — I’m sure the thought of doing it would’ve been a good laugh. At least, I captured my two kids’ 5th grade graduations in the journal that I’ve kept since 1989.

Fleeting Youth

The entire 5th grade year helps parents prepare for their child’s transition to middle school. The kids act confident, rule the school and show their readiness to move on to middle school (or junior high as some of you may call it). I could never imagine my youngest going to middle school. I’m not ready. But come 5th grade, I’ll get there. However, since he’d be my last in elementary school, I imagine it’ll be harder. We’ve been at this elementary school since 1999.

Over a decade has passed since I graduated college. For a long time, my time in school outlasted my adult years. Now the tide turns as adulthood surpasses the school career. Somehow, I wish we could package the insight that childhood makes up only a small part of your life that you need to enjoy it and not be in a hurry to grow up like my daughter is.

“Youth is wasted on the young.” — George Bernard Shaw

Brain food…

• 10 Great Short Stories and Essays About All Kinds of Things: Diverse selection! Gotta check some myself — short stuff always fast read.
• An Author’s Plan for Social Media Efforts: Worth bookmarking. Chris Brogan is worth reading regularly, especially this one for authors.
• How to Throw an Awesome Book Launch: First rule for authors: Always expect zero from your publisher. It’ll motivate you to step up your own promotion efforts.
• Yes, I have a policy for that. How about you? Freelance writers need to have policies. What for? How do you handle it when friends and family want to hire you? What if you suddenly become ill (Pth.. pthhh… knock on wood)? What happens to your work?
• Essential tips for running promotions and competitions within Facebook guidelines: Facebook keeps changing rules and policies that this could become outdated. Nonetheless, great information.
• 7 Ways to Deliver Killer (and useful) Blog Content: Lots of posts on this topic; this delivers.
• Social Media Perfectly Played: Tells the story of photographer Kate Noelle and how she blurs personal with professional in her blog. I need to try harder to tell more stories as I don’t mind mixing the two.

And for fun because we’re allowed…

• 25 New Nike Designs Including Twitter, Google & Michael Jackson: Wow. Love some of these, but not my kind of sport shoe anymore or my kind of price for said shoe.
• 12 Geekiest Cakes: Too creative to eat… nah… that’s what photos are for.
• The Lost Finale: Top 10 Most Anticipated TV Endings: Won’t fill Losties’ hearts, but take satisfaction Lost made list.
• Every painting in MoMA in two minutes: No traveling required. [Link: Mark Hurst]
• Verizon Advertising Fail: Silence speaks volumes. (Real original, Meryl.) Did you know that I, someone who happens to be profoundly deaf, worked for two telecommunications companies for a total of 10 years?

Welcome to meryl’s notes blog (this here place you’re lookin’ at) in Plano, Texas (OK, the blog doesn’t live on a server in my house — but that’s where you’ll find me… in Plano, not in the server). We’re honored to be a stop in Celia Rivenbark’s WOW! Women On Writing Blog tour. Here’s a bit about fellow southerner Celia… Yes, Texas counts as the South not the West! (Stay tuned in this long post if ya wanna win this book!)

About Celia Rivenbark

Celia Rivenbark dishes essays about the old south, the new south, and everything in between in her fifth book You Can’t Drink All Day If You Don’t Start in the Morning. In addition to a collection of essays so funny you’ll shoot co’cola out of your nose, Celia gives readers a treasure trove of Southern recipes and the hilarious stories behind them.

For eight years Celia wrote for her hometown paper, the Wallace, NC Enterprise. She covered everything from weddings to funky fruit to dead bodies (sometimes all in the same day). But the big city beckoned so Celia packed her bags and headed to Wilmington, NC and the Morning Star. More weddings but eventually she achieved every Southern girl’s dream. She was paid to be a smart ass (a.k.a. write a humor column).

Along the way she found herself a husband (the sports writer, of course–they are the cutest guys at the paper!), a beautiful baby daughter and a gig as a stay-at-home mom. After her 3,000th diaper change, Celia starting writing a humor column for the Sun News in Myrtle Beach, SC. After all, what’s funnier than 3000 dirty diapers? Laugh along with Celia on her WOW Blog Tour–dates are listed at www.wow-womenonwriting.com/blog.html. Visit Celia at www.celiarivenbark.com.

This gal is funny. Put down your drink unless you don’t mind that liquid in the nose thing. Here she talks about the green-eyed monster. Oh my goodness. I’ve met that thing a few times myself and it ain’t purty, but I shush it and play nice. I do, too! Anyhoo… All yours, Celia… No, please leave the server there and start typin’.

Fighting the Green-Eyed Monster…Or Not by Celia Rivenbark

I’ve always wanted to be one of those classy people who heaps genuine praise on my published friends. I want to gush and purely ooze heartfelt wishes that their Amazon ranking never rises above 1,000. Low is good in Amazonland, you know.

I want to be that person but I’m not very good at it. Because, the horrible truth is that I am painfully, shockingly, horrifically jealous when a writer-friend does better than me.

Which happens a lot since you ask.

Sometimes, though, I try to do the right thing. Listen up.

A couple of years ago, I was attending the Southern Independent Booksellers Association convention in Orlando. About 15 of us author types were doing what amounted to speed-dating. We’d already speed-eaten a couple of tiny ham and cheese on yeast roll thingies before being told to work the crowd, spending 10 minutes at each table, charming bookstore owners from across the Southeast.

All the other authors were familiar to me. We’d traveled in the same circles more than once. It was not, to use a cliché that I just love for no real reason, our first rodeo.

But there was a shy, quiet fellow at our authors’ table. As we wolfed our mini-subs and got ready to rumble, I decided it was my Christian duty to drag him into the conversation. He barely made eye contact. Poor lil fella, I thought. He’s overwhelmed by all of us big-shot authors. Clearly he was a convention virgin.

Is it enough to say that I talked the poor man’s ears off, sharing my sorta-vast knowledge of all things regional book tour? Is it enough to say that he listened quietly and politely even, at one point, smiling a bit?

Is it enough to say that all of a sudden the convention chair walked up and began to talk to the poor soul, earnestly complimenting him on his Pulitzer AND his National Book Award?

Oh. Let me just take my impossibly dumb ass and lumber across the room to charm the book-buyers. Who by now were all atwitter about having such a distinguished guest in their midst.

I’m not being small when I say I can’t remember his name. They say the mind forgets truly intense pain.

Since then, I’ve chatted up David Sedaris and John Updike. And, no, I didn’t ask Updike to detail my car or mistake Sedaris for a hungry drifter and offer to buy him a Hardees Thickburger, which, let’s be honest, he really looks like he could use. Bless his heart.

Three years ago, my book made it to the final five in a national humor contest. Sedaris won. Funny, skinny bastard.

Ditto another book a couple of years later. Oh? What’s this? You really think Jon Stewart and gazillion-member “staff” is more deserving? Okie-freakin’-dokie.

This summer, my most recent book made it to the final three for the best nonfiction book of the year in the South. But what’s this? Another Pulitzer winner beat the snot out of me to take that one. I HATE HIM.

Oh, just joshing. I’m sure he’s a delightful fellow and there is absolutely no truth to the rumor that he is covered entirely in scales below the neck.

Yes, I want to be magnanimous, gracious and giving but, as you can see, it’s not working out too well. If they gave out Pulitzers for simply being a foul-mouthed, small-minded egotist, I’d win. Nah, who am I kidding? Kanye would beat me on that one.

Meryl here again. Good stuff, eh? You can get more goodies like this from You Can’t Drink All Day If You Don’t Start in the Morning. Ah, good thing I always have a cuppa Joe first thing in the morning… oh wait, that’s not the kind of drinking she’s talking about, is she? Back to bidness, you wanna win my copy of this book, dontcha? Yes, the things I do for you. Oh, it’s a great book (here’s the book review for all to see) not some lousy one I’m willing to dump on someone else.

Leave a 50+ word comment in this post by 11:59pm on October 13. That’s all ya gotta do to be entered to win this book. Share a story or whatever strikes ya. The objective and robotic Random.org will pick the winner.

The You Can’t Drink All Day If You Don’t Start in the Morning title gives you a very good idea of what you get from reading the book. It shows “Fun real-life stories” and lives up to it. This is my first Celia Rivenbark book and she has a fan in me now. (No, I’m not stalking her. Well, she’s not on Twitter yet for me to do that.) You can’t help but feel like you’re buds with her as you read real-life southerner stories from the gal from North Carolina. We southerners (Texas is south. Southwest… eh… well, food-wise yes..) love our cookin’, so she ends every chapter with a recipe that will “slap-yo-mama-fine.”

I read the book speedy quick (I’ve been reading too much Junie B. Jones to my youngest) because those funny stories keep wantin’ more and they have you swallowing ‘em up. I seriously  laughed out loud (not cliche!) a few times causing my kids to think I was deranged. The best way I can describe her book’s content is that  it resembles Dave Barry’s. They both share personal observations of life except she tells stories in her own style not Barry’s. Besides he’s from “Flow-ride-uh” and it doesn’t count as the South. It’s a place where people go on vacation and where mature people go to escape the cold.

She tells it like it is and with a humorous and southern twist. Perhaps, the  table of contents will give you a better idea of the kind of style you can expect from Rivenbark.

• Poseable Jesus Meets Poser Ken
• Gladys Kravitz Would’ve Lover Her Some Facebook
• No TV? I’ll Put My Carbon Footprint Up Your Behind
• Strapped for Cash? Try Cat Whisperin’

A title like You Can’t Drink All Day If You Don’t Start in the Morning raises our expectations and she meets ‘em! No, no she’s not an alcoholic, although I’m sure she considered drinking a bit after a few of the things she writes about like shagging (no, not that kind). She also talks about Jon and Kate of the Plus Eight Fame (or infame. Is that a word? It oughta be.). Boy, I could hear Rivenbark’s jokes in my head because they hadn’t broken up when she wrote the book.

I don’t recommend following the book’s title advice. First, if you are gonna drive, it’s dumb to drink (alcohol, that is!) right before you drive. Second, like everyone says reading the book will have your drink going everywhere except down your throat.

Guess what! Celia is stopping by here on Tuesday, October 6 and I’m giving away my copy of You Can’t Drink All Day If You Don’t Start in the Morning. I hate to give it up, but I love to do things for you.

Weird observation: If you switch the N and R in her last name, you get Riverbank. Just sayin’.

With book coverage in print and newspaper sales declining, authors and publishers must extend their reach to the Internet if they want to boost book sales and publicity. Furthermore, authors are more involved in marketing their books than in the past as publishers can’t or won’t do enough.

Print publications still play a valuable role in books’ lives though the Internet offers many other advantages for promoting books:

• No need to rely on battery power, electricity, or a working Internet connection to read print.
• People leave finished copies of printed resources in doctor’s offices, coffee shops, and other public places for others to pick up.
• No shut down needed upon flight take off and landing.
• No taking it out of your carry on or briefcase to get through airport security.
• Fewer distractions and information noise as you don’t have links and animation enticing you away from your reading.
• Knowing where something starts and ends. The Internet consists of connected pages making it easy for someone to jump from page to page endlessly.
• Just open and read. No booting up, waiting for loading applications and pages, signing on…

Authors and publishers need to make the Internet their partner in marketing books. The Internet offers the following benefits:

• Cheap: It costs as little as $5 a month to have a Web site and $0 for a page on sites like MySpace, Facebook, and Bookhitch. Plus, add the book to your e-mail and discussion board signature for noticing when people read your e-mails and posts.
• Search: Search engines and Web sites help people find books on topics of interest.
• Access: Contact reviewers and bloggers who cover your book’s topic offering to send them a review copy. Also contact sites that publish book reviews like BlogCritics. The Internet also provides a great way to connect with reading groups. Many reading groups invite members to submit questions for the author to respond or hold a conversation online through chat or a Web-based application.
• Network: Forums, online groups, and social networks allow you to connect and interact with potential readers and reviewers.
• Link: Contribute articles to article libraries, online magazines, and other online resources where you can have a byline that links to your Web site or book ordering page.

Start or boost online book marketing with help from the following resources:

• Steve Weber, author of Plug Your Book!, walks the talk with his blog and Myspace page on this topic.
• Christopher Diggins’ Marketing Your Book Online guide
• 101 Book Marketing Sites
• BookSistah Blog often covers book marketing. Sophfronia Scott also has book and writing articles in EzineArticles.
• SalesRankExpress has a tool for checking a book’s Amazon sales rank.
• Future Perfect Publishing blog often covers book marketing.
• 27 ways to sell more books doesn’t focus on online book marketing, but authors can integrate its tips with online marketing.

Instead of standing in line to get an author to autograph your book, you can ask for an autograph without going anywhere. Author Margaret Atwood invented a tool for virtual autographs called LongPen. Some believe that it will end the personal contact between authors and readers. I don’t. MoneySense article on LongPen.

Many of us don’t go to signing events because it’s too crowded. But if we contact the author for an autograph for LongPen, we’d make contact that we would not otherwise have because we don’t attend the author events. Readers who live in small towns don’t want to make the long trek to see favorite authors. They, too, get to connect with the author.

Some authors don’t have the ability to travel and this gives them a chance to connect with readers.

From the sponsor: The goal of rhinoplasty is to improve the look-and-feel for the nose.
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Authors believe that going on Oprah is the ultimate thing to do for a book. Being an Oprah Book Club selection, no doubt, leads to a best seller. But what about those authors who just appear on the show when it covers their subject? Dan Janal has posted an Oprah PR Leads Challenge.

He asks folks to send proof if they’ve sold more than $10,000 books after appearing on Oprah. The top five get a free subscription and glowing testimonials (in other words, he’ll eat his words). He announced the results and no one beat his challenge. But then again, how many people knew about his challenge?

Regardless, while appearing on Oprah is indeed a big PR coup for anyone who appears as a professional rather as someone who has been scorned, lived a rough life, or some other sob story — it’s no magic bullet. A good place to start is with the local media (newspapers, radio stations, and organizations). Build from there. Your chances are greater when you start small than trying to shoot for a national program.

From the sponsor: Looking for tasteful tattoos? Rate the Celtic Tattoos.

I’m a member of an online book club and one of the neatest things — though I don’t participate — is the conference call with the author of the book we’re reading. Turns out our book club leader wasn’t one of the few who came up with the great idea as according to USA Today, it’s becoming popular.

These calls are a great opportunity for book clubs and authors. Book clubs get closer to the author and feel a personal connection while authors gain sales, publicity, and goodwill. HarperCollins makes it easy for readers and authors to connect with its Invite the Author.
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Gnooks is a seld-adapting engine that helps you find new writers based on writers you like. Also, enter a favorite writer and it creates a map of related writers. It does the same for movies and music. There’s a section called Web, but it works differently from the others. Very cool! Book lovers, go straight there!

Another resource is WhichBook.net to find something to read. Go through the checklist to look for the kind of book you want to read next. The selector also allows you to find a book based on your preferences in character, plot, and setting.