The book begins with absorbing insight into the life of the drones and queen bees. The queen bee sits all day while her slaves service her and feed her royal jelly that no one else can have. Who knew the world of bees could be fascinating and resemble the corporate world?

Death By PowerPoint takes a satiric approach in exploring what’s what in the corporate world. Flocker describes employee personalities and situations, and explains how to deal with them, or rather protect yourself and stay under the radar. Casual Friday? What do you do? Even something simple as casual Friday can make a worker bee fret. Get tips on dealing with “fashionipulation” for manipulating your world with clothes.

Learn how the cubist culture got started and what cube decorations say about a person. The elephant in the room doesn’t exist as the book punches the art of politics in the face. Throttle a passive-aggressive communicator’s attempts to take advantage of you and protect yourself from the backstabber. The corporate lingo chapter covers original and “I wish I had thought of that” terms. It doesn’t rehash too many of the terms heard in the corporate halls.

The e-mail etiquette chapter offers little new material, but the book would be incomplete without it. Rarely does an office skip the mandatory fun events, so prepare yourself for that upcoming team-building session with the “Mandatory Fun” chapter.

Funny quotes and curious facts appear sprinkled throughout the pages along with sticky notes and abused bathroom door characters. Beware there are R-rated words and scenarios such as the chapter on office romance, but not too much.

Anyone reading this must take care in deciding whether to follow advice since some wouldn’t fare well for the worker bee while others could lead to a memorable moment at the office. Death By PowerPoint offers tips and a much needed laugh at the dysfunctional corporate world. Treat the book more as a humorous one rather than a self-help book.

Anyone needing comic relief or an escape from the throes of the corporate world should grab this easy and fun read. Like Office Space and Scott Adams’ Dilbert, Flocker uses words exaggerate the corporate life and provide tips for surviving The Office-like environment without going insane.

Title: Death By PowerPoint: A Modern Office Survival Guide
Author: Michael Flocker
Publisher: Da Capo Press
ISBN: 0306815125
Date: November 2006
Format: Paperback
Pages: 219
Cover Price: USD: $12.95 Amazon: $10.36

The Small Business Administration (SBA) provides excellent resources and support for small businesses as does SCORE, an organization made up of retired volunteers who advise small business owners.

This Escape from Cubicle Nation blog entry suggests that every entrepreneur needs the following four professionals:

* Lawyer
* Banker
* Accountant
* Insurance specialist

The entry also provides suggestions on where to find these four professionals. One thing I’ve learned from others as I don’t want to learn the hard way: Stay on top of your money even if you have an accountant. People have seen their trusted accountants steal from them because they didn’t watch the books. I’m not sure those with a spouse who has health benefits covering the family need an insurance specialist.

Those with no children may want to investigate insurance because it could be cheaper for the spouse to not add you to the insurance plan as adding a spouse can up the numbers for some health plans.

Freelancers and small businesses, what professionals do you use and how?

Lifehack had me thinking about handling criticism. As a one-person business with no manager to meet with me to discuss performance goals and progress, I must rely on my clients for feedback. They’re essentially my managers.

On occasion, I e-mail a client requesting feedback. I explain that I want to serve him or her better in future assignments and the only way I can do that is ask for feedback. Even though I asked for feedback, I gulp when I see an e-mail from that person. Something about human nature forces us to feel jittery about feedback though we tell ourselves that we’re always growing and improving. Feedback in e-mail — which takes away some of that personal touch — doesn’t soften the message.

AbsoluteWrite‘s article lists one thing that works for me: “Not everyone will like your writing/work.” This is no different than putting out one food dish for everyone to try. How likely will everyone like the dish? We have our likes and dislikes, so there will always be someone out there who doesn’t like the work we do simply because they have a distaste for it.

Example. I attended a fantastic week-long management class where at the end of the class, we sent evaluation forms to people we’ve worked with. Nine out of the ten responses came with positive feedback. That one negative had opposite scores and comments. Despite nine good ones, that one hurt. I hadn’t yet learned that not everyone will like my work. The negative feedback turned into a learning experience as I worked on the areas needing improvement.

Yuwanda Black wrote a two part (scroll down in both links) article sharing her 19 years of experience as a freelance writer. She shares wonderful insight that I’ve discovered in the past few years. Here is her list with my comments on some items:

1. Staying abreast of technology is crucial: Lucky this isn’t an issue with me.
2. Writing is a skill: I hear those “Duhs!” But we all write. We learned to write stories and reports in school, so that makes us a writer by profession? Sorry. No. It took me five years to get where I am today. Practice, study, learn, practice.
3. Freelancing full-time is not hard: Start doing freelance work on the side — don’t just quit your day job cold. Instead, build up your business on the side. I did that for five years before I went full-time freelancing.
4. Marketing is a skill that must be developed: This is where working on the side helps. I slowly added more clients without the pressure of wondering where my next pay check would come. I always keep my eyes open for opportunities even though I hardly have room to take on more. Things fall through. Projects end. You may want to drop a client that’s more trouble than it’s worth. I believe that freelancers who cut the difficult or incompatible clients are happier and end up with more assignments though it means losing some.
5. Employers don’t like to hire freelancers for full-time jobs: No thoughts here. Makes sense in some cases.
6. You can’t change your rates every year: Guilty. Not of changing rates, but my inability to quote projects. Some clients don’t have all the information or details of what they need me to do. I explain to them that since we can’t see exactly the work involved that I’ll have to quote by the hour. The problem is they can’t side aside a budget for writing work since hourly is ongoing. I’m still developing my skills in this area.
7. You must develop a niche: I believe this is true and spent a lot of time thinking about this. But I’m happy with my variety and lucky I have a nice amount of work though it’s not in a specific niche. Sure, I cover a lot of tech, but I also cover B2B, web design, newsletters and online marketing, education (not from a writing perspective) and games. Maybe it’s my nature not to fall into one thing. Since it’s working, I’m not going to go crazy working my way to a niche. If it happens, it happens.
8. Patience is a virtue: Definitely. Five years before I left corporate America for Meryl Co.
9. Retirement is not planned for: I’m working to change this. Investing in an IRA can help with taxes, too.
10. Longevity pays: “The longer you freelance, the easier it gets,” writes Black. I find this work easier than I did as little as one year ago. Practice, practice, practice.

Mission statements are a waste of time. I’ve been handed statements on credit card style cards, but they never stuck with me. The words were just jibber jabber. I covered this in a detailed post on visions, missions, positioning…

And dug up this article on elevator pitches I wrote that appeared in a defunct newsletter.

Might be time to re-think that statement, whatever you call it.

I haven’t been too lucky in terms of health lately. I got the flu shortly before a major family event. Then something hit me over the past weekend, but the symptoms were all over the place. I listen to the body and rest, but it doesn’t keep the guilt away when you’re a one-person business. It’s a struggle knowing I have clients waiting on me.

Some people work through illness — and I did on many occasions when I worked in the corporate world. I still do in my one-person job — but I have to make an executive decision whether it’s good or bad for the client. This past illness was definitely “do no work” that I had to turn down the opportunity to get a new client. But poor quality vs. gaining new one. I would’ve lost the new one had it not been my top-notch work. On top of that, it would’ve meant someone out there not having good things to say about the work.

Even if I know I can do the job for a new client, it’s more pressure because I want to do the best work possible and exceed expectations. I gave the client an alternate name to try to help her out — but I don’t always give a name because it has to be someone I know will do a good job.

Joel on Software has an excellent article that gives seven steps to remarkable customer service. Joel shares the things he learned about customer service that gets people to “remark” or talk about it.

He makes a very important comment about doing two things when fixing any problem. One, fix the problem. Two, resolve the problem so it doesn’t repeatedly become a problem.

I love the suggestion that helps avoid asking a customer a “duh” question that makes them feel stupid like “Is X plugged in?” I have an outlet where things fall out of it easily no matter how I try to adjust things. So it’s not a stupid question, but a precaution to check the simplest things because things can come unplugged after time. A vacuum turned off one of the surge protectors.

Joel tells a story about Lands’ End. I can tell you a story about the company, too. My daughter’s rolling backpack tore up on the bottom from her dragging it. Lands’ End has a lifetime guarantee on the backpack. The company replaced it with no questions asked even though the backpack was over a year old. This remarkable service has me talking about it, doesn’t it?

Once I did an abstract that wasn’t my best work. Even though I loved the book that I abstracted, sometimes I don’t click with an assignment. That’s what happened with this particular book. Another time, I must’ve been sleepwalking when I posted an entry as it had a couple of problems. I gave my clients discounts (one refused to take it).

I treat my clients as if they’re coworkers. When someone gets sick or has a family emergency, I check in with them and send cards. One client sent an email with sincere thanks for the card. I’ve been working with Hank Stroll of InternetVIZ for over six years. We met in person for the first time last weekend when he flew down from Minnesota for a special family event (which is why I haven’t posted much lately). We had a wonderful time meeting and talking.

Good Experience tells how JetBlue went out of its way with customer service.

What excellent customer service have you experienced or given customers?

Bruce Mau lists a process-related item in his Incomplete Manifesto for Growth. Item #3 says, “Process is more important than outcome. When the outcome drives the process we will only ever go to where we’ve already been. If process drives outcome we may not know where we’re going, but we will know we want to be there.”

I advocate process as a journey not as a destination. Let’s look at an example — You want to watch a favorite TV show. Here is one process:

1. Locate remote.
2. Press the right button(s).
3. Change the channel to the right channel.
4. Watch TV show.

And another process:

1. Go to TV.
2. Press button to turn it on.
3. Press button to flip through channels (this could take a while if you have cable, digital or satellite TV).
4. Watch TV show.

Step 4 is the outcome of the process. The steps you take to reach the outcome is the process.

But what if you don’t know the outcome? You’re endlessly flipping channels. But if you don’t know what is the outcome, then how will you get there? Some say we’ll know what we want to be there. How? By twitching your nose and conjuring magic?

On the other hand, when you know the outcome, you design the process to get there in the most efficient way possible. Thus, you’ll find the shortest route with the fewest obstacles to get to the TV show. If the toddler manages to turn off the TV or take away the remote and changes the channel, then you adjust the process to get to the TV show.

It’s like saying a company will hire staff, buy equipment, and get to work on something without knowing its business goals. If you don’t know what you’re targeting, then you more apt to miss by taking a blind shot.

So, chicken or egg? Process or outcome?

Most of you probably went to a restaurant where the food and service was excellent. But then you go to another location of the same restaurant and it was a disaster. Franchising is complicated as some require their chains to do everything the same while others have more leeway by owner.

A pizza buffet chain opened near me. We liked the place in Fort Worth and my kids’ school held spirit nights there. One problem. This location’s food bombed. It was a shame because of its convenient location and the right atmosphere for a spirit night. The place closed within a year or so. I wonder why?

Service varies as employees aren’t going to be carbon copies of each other. But good service could be a matter of good training. But food shouldn’t vary much. But, food quality can vary in one location. How many times have you ordered the same thing where sometimes it’s great and other times it’s blah? That happened at another pizza restaurant and a burger joint.

I don’t proclaim to know anything about the restaurant business except what I like and don’t like. Just one person’s observation on the lack of consistency.

One of the more enjoyable ways to market is by holding contests. They’re fun, they encourage folks to spread the word, and they make a few people happy. Imagine my surprise when I saw a package from DeveloperOne on my doorstep yesterday. I didn’t remember ordering anything. I opened it and found a lovely and professional holiday card with the note, “Meryl, congrats on your prize!”

It clicked that I had entered the Developer One Holiday Traditions Giveaway! The company asked for stories of favorite traditions. My prize? Wisconsin’s famous product: Cheese. I received cheese in the shape of beer mug and a package of beer bread mix. The mobile software company is located in Milwaukee.

The best contests are the ones that fun for everyone. I had fun trying to think of a simple tradition while I assume DeveloperOne enjoyed reading the stories. Some contests are a burden requiring more work or giving away more information than needed. A few provide extra credit if you forward the contest information to a friend. The company gets more names while the contestant gets more entries.

I’ve been playing 1FunThing, but it took too much time. The questions are challenging and I spent more time that I should have in seeking the answers. I’m stuck on #32 and need four more to complete the tour, but #32 killed me. It was fun, frustrating, and takes too long.