I try to avoid using any variation of is because that turns a sentence into telling instead of showing. Is and was appear less in my writing, but they slip (the little stinkers) in on occasion. These tips come from my journey to do more showing and less telling in my writing.
Before we dive into the tips, I notice that popular non-fiction writing tends to use fiction-style writing by telling a story or using a theme. It makes the content more gripping and less drudgey (I didn’t want to say “dry” — that’s another thing I work to avoid… using common verbs and cliches).
Use specific active verbs that tell what’s happening: poke, race, bounce, spring.
Use of quotes lets the reader “hear.”
Describe a person’s reaction to let the reader “feel” the emotions. “Her jaw fell while her forehead crinkled as the whites of her eyes appear.”
Use pictures with precise words. Just read the comments in this FWJ Caption This Creative Project.
Avoid bland and redundant phrases. “She is in shock.” Does the phrase above sound better? OK, so we often hear of jaws dropping or falling and foreheads crinkling. I just couldn’t come up with a different way to say it when I needed it.
Use the five senses to create an image. The nose knows, the eyes see, the ears hear, the fingers feel, the mouth tastes.
Describe a person’s actions instead of telling the readers what s/he feels. She pushes her chair back while feeling the stiffness and pain on one side of her back. As she struggles to stand, her voice lets out a groan ending with a crackle that almost sounds like a cry. With every slow step she takes, she urges her back to straighten a little more. What do you think of this?
What other tips do you apply to captivate readers? I love Amy Derby‘s plan to start a punk duck series. In fact, when she brought up her plans for the series… it led to a fun and engaging discussion. I want to do something like that (yeah, I’m a thief), but these brainstorming sessions keep flopping.
Working on a press release, I stumbled in my journey to find a fun expression to use in a paragraph. Hubby came along and asked what I was doing. I explained and he suggested using “A cat in a room full of rocking chairs.”
“Huh?”
I like to think I’m up on my slanguage, idioms, cliches, and I don’t know this one. But I like it and it makes sense. Even if it doesn’t, it makes you smile, doesn’t it? You may hear variations of this such “as nervous as a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs.” It means edgy, jumpy, or nervous. But take off the first part, and it could mean the cat feels overwhelmed by all the choices. In either case, it sounds funny.
Sometimes I’ll use, “Dagnabbit!” Sounds better and funnier than “Damn!” or “Darn!” It almost always makes me smile and feel better.
My grandmother, who had diabetes, would say, “Oh, sugar” when most people say “Damn it” or worse. Mom told me a story about my grandfather. While driving, he faced a rude driver. His face turned red and he dug his thoughts for something to say as he never cussed… “You… you… you, worm!” Mom said that was about the angriest he ever got that she remembered.
Steve Blow’s column in The Dallas Morning News (might require free registration) greeted me with more dying words and expressions.
Land o’Goshen, cattywampus, sakes alive (snakes alive)
Yonder, gumption, much obliged, picture show (movie), poetic of a mornin’ (evenin’) rat cheer
Wait. “Rat cheer?” I haven’t heard that one, but a professor at a local college wants to save that one. It takes searching to find this one — it sounds like and means “Right here.” A baseball game vendor could yell, “Getcha peanuts rat cheer!”
“Well, I swanee!” You can’t help but grin at that one, right? For me, it evokes memories of Al Jolson and Swanee River. “How I love ya, my dear old Swanee…” No, I’m not 93 years old, but I love Vaudeville.
What old phrases do you miss, still say, or still hear?
Textual annoyances shares three things that annoy Mark Hurst, who wrote the entry. Maybe it has to do with where I live and what I do because I haven’t run into the problems he has.
Of course, when I’m trying to think of an annoyance, only one comes to mind (and there are plenty that bug me as a word freak). “[Fill in blank] anyone?” as in “Chess, anyone?” “Science Club, anyone?” You might not see this much as this phrase frequently appears in local and community publications.
What phrases or words annoy you? Why?
Just remembered another one. The use of ‘s to make things plural not possessive. FAQ’s. Picture’s. Those who think nothing of FAQ’s have a good argument because it’s an abbreviation rather than a word. Since Q represents “questions,” why bother using an S at all?
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