Anyone who knows me well knows I don't like not knowing what's coming. Oh, sure, I can be spontaneous and do enjoy it... Just not when something big is at stake. For example, when I graduated from college, I didn't have a job. Instead of enjoying my family and graduation, I was depressed at the thought of not know what was next for the first time in my life. When I graduated from high school, I knew I was going to college. I did land a job within a month after graduating.

Here I am six weeks away from my due date and I have no clue how long my maternity leave will be or the situation my family will be in. Paul has been looking for a job harder than he ever has in his life and I've been helping. But realistically, it isn't easy to find a job in eight weeks (he's been out of a job almost two weeks). This is not a good feeling and my helping him is one way I try to chase it away. I've also been pushing harder to find more writing and editing work, since I love doing it and can get right back to doing it a few days after the baby is born.

Friends and family tell me it will all work out. I do my best to believe that... But the clock is ticking.